Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
