Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
