Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
