I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
