The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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