Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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