also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
