I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we made out on top of his cat.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
