Umm I'm too high to move.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Randomize
