Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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