I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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