her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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