I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
