Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
