she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
