Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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