Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
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