So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
