Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
