we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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