i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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