Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
