I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
