Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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