I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
did you just send me my own nude
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
