I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
