Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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