halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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