You work out of a Hotel?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
