So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
