Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
