hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
