There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
