you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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