see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she told me i tasted like america
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
