4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
