Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
