So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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