yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
