you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
