Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
