Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
