Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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