my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
