Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Vodka?
Forever.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
