I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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