Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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