Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
send nudes
from the living room?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
