I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
