Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Randomize
