if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
