My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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