Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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