I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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