if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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