So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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