I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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