the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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