I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
