My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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