So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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