she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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