I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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