god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
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The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
