Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
