My nipple is on Facebook.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
