you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
