i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's shark week go big or go home
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
