Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
