please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
