yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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