we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize