I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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