Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
