who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
