btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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