remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
