I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think my nap took me to another dimension
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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