just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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