running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
