We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
