Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
