Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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