About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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