Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Congratulations! We have a period
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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