Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize