i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
