Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
