well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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