we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
