guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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